Resolutions. I love reading about what my friends are planning (I’m looking at you, Amber, Leslie, Kat, Erica, Sara, and Jen). I like how some of you are taking a new approach to the tradition of making New Year’s resolutions. I like the idea of changing my mindset, rather than achieving goals or committing to drastic changes. I am happy that so many people are resolving to treat themselves and each other better. I still like the Life List, although it has occurred to me that the list is more a reflection of what motivates me, rather than a guide to my future.

But I can’t look at the New Year as being full of promise and possibilities. I see another year of hard work, another year of two steps forward, one step back. I don’t mean to sound pessimistic; in fact, it is actually liberating to know that “these things take time.” I had a unique opportunity to participate in a 6-week project with a group of smart people over the summer. I identified a few achievable goals to work toward during that time, and I failed to meet any of them in any meaningful way—yet I came away realizing that meeting goals takes a lot of time, which I guess was the lesson all along. 2013 is going to be a hard year, but there is a lot I’m looking forward to: my brother’s wedding, continuing to teach, traveling, making our home a more beautiful haven and gathering place, finding balance (something my friend Deedee and I talked about on New Year’s Eve).

Over the past few months, our world confounded me. Every senseless act of violence felt like a punch to the throat, every misunderstanding and wrong word spoken made it difficult to breathe. … I am glad to put those months behind me, behind us. I hope we do better in the future. We have to do better. We must change.

Last summer, Robbie and I planted six hydrangea plants like the one in the picture below. The color is “Little Lime.” I doubt they will all return in the spring; we had a very hot summer, and despite the recent snow, we’re experiencing a very dry winter. Still, there’s a chance they will make it. You guys, I hope all of the flowers we planted will return in the spring.

No resolutions, but I am planning to change up this space. Reinvention was and still is a major theme in my life, but it’s a limiting theme for a blog. We stay the same more than we change, I think, and there’s more I want to talk about and share. There are good parts of myself to lean into, parts that have been there all along.